Meet Allison McGeever

In 2017 I was pregnant for the second time, my first miscarried was early on in the same year. I wasn’t very nervous about anything and assumed everything would be fine. Unfortunately, my water broke at 19 weeks from unknown causes. I didn’t have an infection or ideas why it happened. After two nights, I was sent home from the hospital on bedrest with instructions to drink as much water as I possibly could, waiting for a miracle to happen or an infection to take hold. The Faith community was wonderful during this time, as we prayed for a miracle. After two weeks God said no the miracle and I woke up with a massive fever and my body going into labor. Jonathan Reed McGeever was born into heaven on August 12, 2017.

We went home to grapple with what just happened. This, on top of the fact that my husband BJ’s, Mom had been diagnosed with ALS in 2016, and we were watching her decline quickly. I felt like Job, like everything we loved was turning to dust. BJ was depressed and deeply grieving the loss of his mom’s mobility, ability to speak, eat and eventually to breathe unassisted.

Before Jonathan died, we were not in a good place in our marriage. My instinct once she was diagnosed was to go on the defensive. We needed a plan and to set a foundation to grieve the “right“ way. When BJ disagreed to with my plan, I’d let him know that he was “doing it wrong” and pushed my way harder. My actions and attitude left BJ feeling like I was more of an opponent than a support. It was easier for me to focus on the fact that BJ was choosing not to work on our marriage than to engage in his grief in an empathetic way.

When the shock of Jonathan‘s death had worn off I was truly broken. I had never experienced something that a plan and a positive attitude couldn’t fix. I expected grief to be like a physical ailment: do X, Y, & Z then you’ll get back to normal. If you have ever experienced a loss, you know grief doesn’t work that way. It gets in your bones. It’s like a weighted blanket that sits on your shoulders. Foremost, it is a process that cannot be rushed.

God used my wonderful husband to gently (with more grace than I had given him) guide me through the journey of grief. Within a year BJ’s mom passed as well. God used this time of sorrow to bring BJ and I closer together and bring restoration to our marriage in a beautiful way when it could have torn us further apart.

I don’t think I will ever be able to say I’m thankful God denied Jonathan’s miracle, but I see now how He has used my son’s life in powerful ways, not only in a full and joyful marriage but in my ability to sit with others in their pain. Before my empathy was filled with platitudes and a look-on-the-bright-side attitude. This hindered me from helping others to process their pain in a meaningful way. God has given me the gift to see people where they are and the ability to connect on a level that is only possible because I lost Jonathan - I am thankful for that.

God blessed BJ and I with a happy healthy baby girl, Penelope, in 2018 and we are delighted that we are expecting another baby in 2021.